It’s a new year. Nick is the bachelor. Everything is going great, right? Eh, sorta.
I’ve been inspired, and gotten a little nudge, to bring back my Bachelor recaps (as if my live tweets weren’t enough). I didn’t think it was fair to just spring one on you next week so I’ll share my general thoughts from the first three episodes and my top picks.
In the videos where we meet all of the contestants and they flail around for the camera almost every girl wore an off-the-shoulder top. I think this whole off-the-shoulder look could be the equivalent to the men and their henley shirts in this franchise.
A common theme so far this season is that Nick isn’t new at this Bachelor thing. If I hear about how he’s done this a million times again I will lose control. Pro-tip for Nick: stop talking about your exes. These girls do not care or THEY SAW IT ON TV. DUH.
We are soon blessed enough to meet Corinne.
I love a villain, which if you’ve been here before shouldn’t be new information for you. Corinne wants us to believe she runs a multimillion dollar company. We later find out Corinne has a “nanny” that does her laundry and cuts her cucumbers, which makes it hard for me to believe Corinne can run a company. Pro-tip for Corinne: most adults call their nannies “personal assistants” you should too.
Someone made a Gofundme to free Corinne’s nanny, Raquel. I am actually dying. They’ve only raised $35 so far and Raquel is going to need more than that. Donate here: https://www.gofundme.com/freeraquel2k17
See you in paradise, Corinne. You and Chad will make great psycho children.
We also meet an aspiring dolphin trainer who is wearing a shark costume and convinced she’s a dolphin. That ought to be a huge red flag to all of her future employers.
Another huge part of the first three episodes was Liz, who hooked up with Nick at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. After the hookup she wouldn’t give Nick her phone number.
Now, she’s at the mansion trying to win his love…. sketchy. At first I was all for Liz because what a great story, but then she just got annoying.
Nick was not having it. It was painfully obvious the producers forced him to keep Liz around for ratings. Liz only told Christen, whom I’m absolutely obsessed with, about the hookup. Liz got sent home mid group date and Nick spilled the beans about the night he met Liz to the ladies. Then, everyone went nuts and had a million questions and was even more annoying than they already were!
She seems to be a great person, which is probably why she got the first impression rose. I hope she doesn’t win and becomes the bachelorette because let’s be honest this franchise could use a little diversity.
I am so worried about her. Danielle is so sweet and innocent I’m afraid this show is going to ruin her.
On her one-on-one date with Nick they pretended to be astronauts, even though they were dressed as pilots (someone in the costume department needs to be fired). She puked and he kissed her anyway #goals. Vanessa also calls Nick out after he gets super weird with Corinne in the bouncy castle. Nick should swoop her up while he can because she’s one of his few chances at getting a nice wholesome woman out of this.
I also have to shout out Sarah because she is my girl crush. Her outfits are always perfect and her look is effortless. She is a sleeper this season, but just you wait!
Condensing my feelings into something you all will actually read is so tough because I feel ALL OF THE THINGS. If this has left you curious about my other feelings I’ve tweeted basically all of them so look there.
See you next week for a normal recap!