This season has been painful to watch, thus painful to write about, but I’m back.
The past two weeks have had much more drama and I’m feeling slightly more interested in the season.
Before we talk hometowns, I need to acknowledge how absolutely idiotic it is that they announced Rachel as the bachelorette. LIKE WHY?! There is not a logical reason why it should have been announced. Someone should probably be fired over there in Bachelor-land.
Even though the ending has been pretty much spoiled, we have to move on to hometown dates.
Raven talks about how Hoxie is a great place to fall in love. I’m not buying it. To try to convince us (and Nick) this Hoxie town I’ve never heard of is the best ever, she sets up this weird deal where she gets Nick to trespass with her and her police officer brother catches them. That is living proof you couldn’t get away with much in Hoxie with Raven’s brother always watching.
The fun continues with riding on ATVs and making out in some muddy water. Gross. Seeing Nick with wet hair was honestly horrible. They should’ve edited that part out.
Then, Nick goes to meet the rest of the fam. Some twitter people seem to find Raven and her family’s accents charming, but I feel like I’m decoding what these people are trying to say. SO SOUTHERN OH. MY. GOSH.
Raven’s dad shares with the group that he is cancer free, which is obviously stellar news. Nick makes it awkward by clapping… slowly.
Overall, Raven’s family is super normal. It was a pretty textbook hometown date, which I appreciate. Although she didn’t tell Nick she loves him, it was
I already knew based on the commercials Rachel’s family was going to make a huge deal about the whole race thing, but boy oh boy was this a weird hometown.
Right away Rachel takes Nick to church, which I’m all in on. #goals until the preacher calls the couple out and asks Nick if he’s ever experienced a church like this before, because it’s predominantly black. Um dude, focus on yourself and start talking about Jesus. You’re making me uncomf. Nick seemed pretty weirded out by it too.
Rachel and Nick have some seriously undeniable chemistry, well now I can assume it isn’t all there since she’s the bachelorette. However, Rachel’s family doesn’t seem sold on this whole idea.
When Rachel took Nick home I was like ok this is where it gets weird. Rachel’s older sister is married and her husband is white so I’m sitting here wondering if they grilled this dude too when Rachel’s sister brought him home? The brother-in-law then leads the charge on questioning Nick asking him about his dating history when it comes to black women. WEIRD.
“I can’t help but notice you are white” -Rachel’s Brother-in-Law with the not awkward opening
Rachel’s younger sister seems to think Nick is a huge idiot and has him name all of the food they are eating. Nick is on to her and basically says how dumb do you think I am?
Honestly, it’s fair her sister thought Nick was dumb. He has tried to find love on television four times. Most people give up after like two, but shoutout to Nick for being so persistent I suppose.
Rachel’s mom when talking to Nick suggests they address the “elephant in the room,” which once again made me feel super weird. Here Nick goes again reminding everyone that he likes Rachel for her intelligence and cool personality and that her skin color is pretty irrelevant in his decision making.
The date ends and I get to be done cringing. Rachel and Nick are still really cute though.
This date made me want to date Corinne. She took Nick to some super expensive shopping mall and dropped over $3,000 on some clothes you could buy at Forever21 for a grand total of $30. Nick mentions being a bargain shopper and Corinne is about to buy a dictionary to look up what the word bargain means.
At Corinne’s house, the infamous Raquel serves the family dinner then joins them at the table. Corinne’s dad is loud and terrifying. He asks Corinne one-on-one if she would mind being the breadwinner if she married Nick, and asked a million questions about how Nick plans to make money. (Spoiler alert: Nick will probably make a lot of money promoting detox teas and gummy vitamins that keep his hair super luscious.)
When Nick gets to talk to Corinne’s dad he passes on the message that Corinne is down to be the breadwinner. Nick looks at him like uh are you trying to make me feel like less of a man right now? (Nick it’s 2017 for crying out loud. If Corinne wants to be the breadwinner just let her. Stick to posting #ads on Instagram.) Nick explains that he hopes he would be making the money, bur Corinne’s dad isn’t buying it.
Nick also meets Raquel, which is super anticlimactic by the way. It was the pretty cliche, “don’t break her heart” deal.
Corinne tells Nick that she loves him and he gets into the black SUV and rolls out. Shoutout to Corinne for being way more normal this episode. I’m proud of her.
Vanessa takes Nick to meet her students. The students cried, Vanessa cried, Nick cried. It was really cute. Vanessa’s students helped the couple put together a scrapbook of their memories so far because apparently she’s a huge scrapbooker.
Things were going really well for Vanessa and Nick until she brought him home to her family. Vanessa’s family members were asking the tough questions about their intentions for the future, which made Vanessa realize she and Nick haven’t really talked about the future much. Vanessa’s sister told Nick she would hate him if he broke her heart.
Apparently Vanessa’s family has never seen this show. I always get sad for people that are apart of this, but haven’t been watching. Like dude watch a season before you sign up or send your family member off to date a stranger. DO SOME RESEARCH PEOPLE!!!
Vanessa’s dad REALLY hasn’t seen the show because he was not happy when Nick asked if he could propose.
Apparently, he did not like that Nick had asked every other girl’s dad too. Once again, this is how it goes every season. Someone start a gofundme so these people can get Hulu and watch a previous season of The Bachelor. Eventually Nick got the green light to propose, but now Vanessa’s head is spinning and she has SO MANY QUESTIONS.
We won’t know what her questions are until next time because once again… no rose ceremony.
If you missed the episode, check it out here.