So you probably saw the announcement that Arie Luyendyk Jr is this season’s bachelor. If you consider yourself a Bachelor fan and said, “Who is that?!” well it turns out you’re not a real fan. Sorry not sorry.
For those of you that don’t know, Arie is the other salt-and-pepper haired guy that was on The Bachelorette, but no he isn’t Peter. Some would say he’s the knock-off version, but in his defense Arie was first.
You might remember Arie as the race car driver, but now he’s a relator??? Not sure how that happened but ok? Did anyone else notice it looked like he was selling the Bachelor mansion? Just me? Ok.
Full disclosure, I don’t remember everything from Emily Maynard’s season, but I liked Jef (yup, one ‘f’, not a typo). AND THANK THE BACHELOR GODS THAT JEF IS ON TWITTER SPILLING ALL THE TEA!
So obviously the producers knew no one remember Arie, which is why they started the episode off with a long recap of Arie on Emily’s season. Then to keep the viewers interested they had to bring in one of the most famously successful Bachelor couples of all time and #lifegoals Sean and Catherine Lowe.
Their kid Samuel stole the whole show though. I’m about to make one of those change.org petition to give Samuel a spin-off show where he run around the Bachelor mansion.
Time to bring on the ladies. I have so many feelings I could write a novel, but I will try to keep it short.
A majority of the women got out of the limo and said how nervous they were, which is kind of a duh. Plenty said, “I’m so happy it’s you!” So basically these women are a bunch of liars. You know they wanted it to be Peter.
Arie whispered how every girl is “beautiful,” “cute,” or “incredible” as they walked away. He’s so awkward.
The showstoppers were Bekah in an old-fashioned car, blondie in the race car (it’s too early to know their names sorry) and Raven’s friend wiener girl.
Let’s talk about wiener girl. She said Raven convinced her to go on the show. I imagine the conversation going something like this:
Raven: OMG you should totally go on the Bachelor. It’s torture while you’re there, but you get free booze and afterward you get sponsored by Diff Eyewear, Sugarbear Hair and FabFitFun. Totes worth it.
Weiner girl: Ugh, I’ve been trying to get Instagram famous. Okay, I’m in.
Then there’s Bekah, she’s trying to be mysterious about her age but a quick google search helps you find out she’s 22. She might be young, but she’s cool and down to earth. Regardless, something about her is just super annoying to me. Maybe it’s because she looks like Betty Boop, maybe it’s her personality, tbd.
The four girls named Lauren bond over the fact that well they’re all named Lauren. If Arie forgets a girl’s name there’s a pretty good chance it’s Lauren.
The villain of the season is clear right away. It’s Chelsea the mom.
She reminds me of Olivia, but I loved Olivia and I don’t love Chelsea so they really can’t be that alike. There’s always the one who doesn’t understand the show and that you don’t get much time with the Bachelor/Bachelorette and Chelsea is that girl. She also becomes the girl that INSISTS on talking to Arie twice, which might be why she gets the first impression rose.
Sadly for her, Chelsea didn’t get the first kiss from Arie the “kissing bandit.” Brittany T. beat her to it after racing those battery-operated cars you played with as a kid. It was kind of cute, but also cheesy and forced.
While we are talking about Brittan(y/e)s, I feel it’s important to note that Brittane J. looks like Nicki Minaj.
The saddest story of the night goes to Jessica who’s dad died, but met Arie before he died and really liked him. *Cries in the club*
She felt like she had her dad’s blessing to marry Arie. She’s also cute and generally normal so that’s a win. Sadly, Arie apparently wasn’t feeling it…
Who Got the Boot:
Jessica, Amber, Brittane J., Ali, Bri, Lauren J., Nysha and Olivia
Sienne and Marikh because they are normal and wholesome
My Least Favorites:
Valerie with the purple hair and yellow dress… like why?
Bibi and her annoying personality, she’s needy
You can watch the full episode here.