It’s episode two, we haven’t been PUNK’d. Arie is still the Bachelor. Peter has not come through the mansion saying, “That was all a joke, I’m here now. I’m the bachelor.” And I’m now starting to think that will never happen.
Arie (not Peter) asks the super normal Minnesotan Becca on a one-on-one date. This is the better Becca/Bekah by far. She’s seems to be an actual, functioning, normal girl, which isn’t very common in this franchise.
Arie takes the better Becca (who spells her name normally) to be styled by Rachel Zoe. I know I’m not the only one who can’t pick Rachel Zoe out of the crowd so I can only imagine Becca thinking to herself, “who is this woman!?” But regardless she gets a dress out of the gig, Louboutins and Neil Lane jewelry. That’s the least your boyfriend who is dating 20 other girls can do though.
The date goes smoothly and Becca gets a rose, but Arie’s unnecessarily playful hands keep doing a deal with Becca’s hair and it’s distracting. At first it was cute, but it became too much, very quickly.
The couple gets serenaded by a musician I don’t know.
And as if things needed to get any weirder, while the girls sit around the mansion slumber party style, Arie takes Coach Kyrstal back home to meet his family on their first date. I know he’s been out of the Bachelor game for a bit, but someone could’ve reminded him the hometowns come at the end of the season.
Krystal’s annoyingly gentle whisper voice tries extremely hard to be engaging in the conversation with Arie’s family, but she just sounds dumb. Coach Krystal posted on her Instagram story after the episode that she “lost her voice” the first few weeks of the show. Likely story, girlfriend.
Krystal has a sad family story to share, and worries it will scare Arie away. NOPE. He’s not scared!! Krystal gets a rose and hopefully a new voice next week.
Here comes the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the girl with “bumper car trauma” on the demolition derby date. All of the girls shriek seeing Arie drive really fast, because apparently they’ve never seen a man who can drive a car.
lol nice ^^
Every girl happily practices driving her car, Chris Harrison roasts Arie’s sub-par racing career, while Annaliese cries thinking about the time she played bumper cars as a kid and she got stuck in the middle and everyone kept hitting her car.
Okay, who knew bumper car trauma was a thing? Also, I think that’s just how bumper cars work and Annaliese is just bad at bumper cars. Did she cry taking her driving test?Also, shoutout to Jenny for being relentless and saying she’s going to hit Annaliese hard anyway.
Since Annaliese was traumatized Arie was so worried about her feeling comfortable that he barely recognized the fact that Brittany probably got a concussion on the date. Here’s hoping the concussion protocol on the Bachelor is more strict than the NFL’s am I right? (HA. Sports. I know all about those)
Sienne wins the race, and the date’s rose. If you were here last week, you know I’m a huge Sienne fan. She’s smart and gorgeous so Arie is making better decisions this week.
“She went to Yale! I barely graduated high school and worked at Pizza Hut.” -Arie
Chelsea was #shook to find out she didn’t get the rose. She likes that Arie is so into her for being mysterious. So her grand idea is to get rid of the mystery and tell Arie her secret; she has a kid. Being a mom means nothing to Arie, which is clear as he lists off all the moms he’s ever dated. Turns out Arie has a type and it’s moms so her opening up about that wasn’t enough to secure a date rose. Ha. Sorry Chelsea!
As the rose ceremony gets closer, Bibi starts losing her cool about not getting enough time with Arie.
Pro-tip: If you stop complaining and go grab him then you have no reason to complain anymore.
But Bibi is trying to get some screen time so she spends the entire episode whining and narrating everything. When she does get some one-on-one time, Krystal (yup, the one with the rose and annoying voice) interrupts. This leads Bibi to unleash on Krystal, calling her out on her fake voice, and whining.
While I’m glad Bibi called out Krystal for her voice, Bibi is the most annoying contestant ever so I’m sad to report she gets the final rose during the ceremony. Ugh, Arie and producers you are the worst.
You would think it stops there, but after being eliminated Jenny storms out and Arie runs after her. And she says one of the best lines in Bachelor history to him.
So this is obviously a lie, but GIRL POWER!
Who Got the Boot:
Jenny, Lauren G., and Valerie (THANK GOODNESS)
Sienne forever and always
My Least Favorites:
Bibi (spoiler alert, this will probably not change until she is eliminated)
You can watch the full episode here.