This week I got a text from one of my friends that said this is probably the worst Bachelor cast ever, and I can’t say she’s wrong. This season isn’t great, the girls are alright, but there’s drama so I’ll keep watching!
Arie takes the girls on a wrestling group date, which is a horrible idea since they aren’t getting along super well. The GLOW girls beat up Bibi and Tia a little too hard so they cry because they’re #soft. Arie tells the GLOW girls, who could totally beat him up, to stop beating up his girlfriends so much.
Arie tosses his blazer over his shoulder like a 90’s model and prepares for a fight with Kenny from Rachel’s season. Arie obviously gets destroyed by Kenny who refuses to go easy on the bachelor in front of eight of his girlfriends. How emasculating…
The fights were dumb and soon another silly group date ends with drinks. Arie seems to really connect with the Bekah by shoving his tongue down her throat. Classic Arie. He tells Tia it makes him “feel like a man” to comfort her, which is probably the cutest thing he’s said yet.
Krystal asks Arie how to handle these group dates. She wants to know if he likes her to be aggressive or hang back. Arie basically says he doesn’t care, which Krystal takes as he thinks it’s attractive when I’m aggressive.
Bibi continues to complain about not getting enough time to talk to Arie. Thankfully, they talk on this date so she can shush.
“I’m so respectful of others,” Bibi says bragging about herself to Arie. Well, in this game, Bibi being respectful will just get you sent home so maybe find a new attack plan, sister.
Time for a one-on-one with Lauren S. who keeps thanking Arie for choosing her for this date. She is so excited like a little puppy, it’s cute but she could stand to take it down a notch. They get on a plane and head to Napa to drink wine and get to know each other.
Arie tries to connect with Lauren S; telling her as he’s gotten older he has “started going to bed earlier and wearing cardigans.” What a life, dude.
This date couldn’t get more painful until Lauren keeps talking and talking and talking EVEN MORE. Arie looks bored out of his mind. I’m cringing. Safe to say, chatty Lauren S. does not get a rose so she gets sent home.
As Lauren S. is escorted away in an Uber or something Arie goes to listen to the quartet alone with a rose in hand. He looks longingly off the balcony with the quartet playing in the background. So deep. So pensive.
Back at the mansion, Krystal gives a long speech about how seriously Arie must be taking this since he sent Lauren S. home. She is also so thoughtful and gives the girls advice. SHES THE IN HOUSE COUNSELOR!! The girls want to kill her.
A new date card arrives and Annaliese really really hopes her name is on it so she can redeem herself after last week’s date where her bumper car trauma put a damper on the day. Her wish is granted, but sadly this date won’t be much better for Annaliese as it involves dogs and guess what, SHE HAS TRAUMA WITH DOGS! I shouldn’t make fun, after watching my mom get bit by a dog as a child I was scared of dogs too, but I got over it.
So here goes Annaliese on yet another date that brings up some old trauma. Poor girl. I hope they have a therapist on set.
Bibi takes a moment of prayer with her BFF Tia, whom I now dislike even more because she’s friends with Bibi. In her prayer, Bibi asks for one of the girls to get bitten. God didn’t answer her prayer.
The girls go learn to train dogs so they can put on a dog show for yet another live audience. The show is absolute trash, even the kids in the audience think so apparently since there’s a baby crying in the background.
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No Shade (pun intended) but I had the best performance of the night and if you blinked you may have missed my riveting performance as a lamp during the doggy show. #AndTheOscarGoesTo #50ShadesOfLamp #ILoveLamp #NoShade #Myarmsweretired #WhatisLife #DogTrauma #AnythingForARose #thebachelor #bachelornation #Abc #ButIgotthatrosetho
The girls and Arie do their whole drink and mingle thing. Arie makes out with Chelsea, who is no longer mysterious. He also gets to talk to the better Becca and they seem to be really hitting it off. He also seems to be a lightweight because he’s kind of slurring his words. Kid’s sauced. Amateur.
Chelsea wins the rose that was meant for Becca. Did you know Chelsea has a kid?
Finally, cocktail party and rose ceremony time.
Bibi “sets up” (thanks production for setting this up) a romantic space with a telescope to look at the stars with Arie. She doesn’t snag him fast enough though, Arie is surprised to see the set up when he brings another girl out to talk. The girl loves it and thinks Arie set it up all for her. Little do they both know…
Annaliese feels the need to talk to Arie again to get an explanation of why her throat is the only one Arie hasn’t shoved his tongue down. He says he’s just not that into her and sends her home on the spot. Should’ve hung back, girlfriend. You could’ve stuck it out to the part where you go to a different country. Rookie mistake.
Sadly, Bibi never got to woo Arie with her stargazing so she doesn’t get a rose. PRAISE!!
Who Got the Boot:
Annaliese, Bibianna, and Lauren S.
Caroline (she doesn’t get much screen time, but she’s normal and down-to-earth when we do see her)
My Least Favorites:
The same as always, Bibi, Chelsea, Krystal and Bekah
You can watch the full episode here.