This week we got to watch Becca, Kendall, Lauren and Tia take their boyfriend of two months home to meet their families. If I were them I’d be nervous knowing Arie isn’t a great conversationalist and often chooses making out over making small talk.
Kendall’s up first. She takes Arie to her taxidermy dungeon/studio to stuff rats. Gross. At this point I walked away from the TV because I can’t watch that. It was like a scene right out of the movie Dinner for Schmucks. Yikes.
The couple goes to Kendall’s seemingly taxidermy-free home for Arie to have boring conversations with her family members about how he’s falling for Kendall (and the other three women). Kendall’s family worries she isn’t a marriage kind of girl and that she isn’t really into Arie, but she says she is. The hometown was boring. There was no spice, no drama. The most exciting thing was the fact that Kendall’s twin sister’s name is Kylie so they’re the OG Kendall and Kylie.
Next, Arie heads to Weiner, Arkansas to meet Tia’s family. Everyone seems obsessed with Tia on the internet and she just doesn’t move the needle for me. Tia takes Arie on a date at a race track because in case you forgot Arie was a race car driver once, but now he’s a relator because he wasn’t good at racing.
The show really wants to make a big deal out of Arie racing by constantly making him drive. Like ok? Congrats on having a license, Arie, that makes you super dateable.
After their date, Arie goes to meet Tia’s super southern family who has done their research on Arie’s past. Her dad gives off the, “bring my daughter back by nine and I’ll be on the porch waiting with my shotgun” vibes. Tia’s dad says he’s read about Arie being a “playboy” on the internet. I love a family that does some research.
Her brother asks Arie about his kissing bandit nickname, which throws Arie off for a second, but he eventually jokes that you don’t get to pick your nickname. Arie also tells Tia’s family members that he’s falling for Tia the “strong, southern girl who puts me in my place.” But don’t feel too special, because he’s falling for everyone.
Arie now has to make the jump form warm weather to cold up in Minnesota with Becca who probably says kitty corner instead of catty corner and calls the game “duck duck goose,” duck duck gray duck.
But you know I love Minnesota so naturally I’m a huge Becca fan. Also, she’s so normal and I think Arie needs that. They go to an apple orchard and display some solid team work when Arie climbs an apple tree to throw down the best apples to Becca. SO CUTE. Becca gets a little deep and talks about her dad’s death and her family dynamic then whisks Arie away to meet the crew.
Arie’s toughest conversation of the night is with Becca’s uncle, the preacher. He asks Arie about his faith and if he’s willing to go to church with Becca. Arie said he’s down to go, but like who would say NO I’M NOT GOING to their “girlfriend’s” uncle who is a preacher? Arie is dumb, but not THAT dumb.
Becca tells her mom she doesn’t know exactly what Arie’s feeling, but she thinks he’d be a good dad and husband. Arie does reveal that he’s falling for Becca (and Tia and Kendall), and the crowd goes wild.
Overall, Becca’s family likes Arie, which is fair because there’s nothing to dislike about Arie he’s just boring.
Now is the time the commercials have made you wait for, Lauren “the brick wall” B’s hometown date with her dad who’s a troop and thus has no time for Arie’s squid-ness and fake answers.
First, Lauren takes Arie horseback riding on the beach. So majestic. She talks a bit more today, which doesn’t say much since they’ve spent a lot of time in silence, but go Lauren.
Arie goes to meet Lauren’s military family who turns out to be just as silent as she is and he can’t hang. During dinner he excuses himself, which he does A LOT. When talking to Lauren’s dad Arie thanks Lauren’s dad for his service because he respects the troops and tells him about going to Iraq and flying a plane. Lauren’s dad eats it up, which is disappointing because I wanted to watch him rip Arie to shreds, but whatever.
Lauren’s mom is the tougher one asking Arie if he says he’s falling in love to the other girl’s families too, which he is. These families need to watch the show and realize they are getting played.
Rose ceremony time rolls around and Arie pulls Kendall aside to ask if she’s ready for marriage and an engagement. While Kendall isn’t giving a straight answer but seems open to the future, the other girls STAND AROUND and guess what Arie and Kendall are talking about while waiting for the couple to return.
When they come back, Arie gives roses to Kendall, Lauren and Becca. No rose for Tia. Twitter weeps, I shrug. You’re going to Paradise girl, stop crying. If I were Arie, I’d be crying since Tia’s dad threatened to find him on Google later if he hurt Tia.
I’m really proud of Arie for being less of a squid this week and having not unbearable conversations with the girls’ families. The hometowns weren’t monumental and there should’ve been way more drama, but that’s ok I guess.
Every family gives Arie a half blessing essentially putting it in their daughters’ hands. Arie isn’t mad though; he “loves that.”
If I were a betting woman, I’d bet Arie picks Lauren because he’s the most attracted to her. I mean it can’t be their conversations or her charisma that makes him keep her around, right?
On Sunday, the women tell all. On Monday, the drama continues with a new episode. LET’S GET CRAZY!!!!