Bachelor / Fun

Bachelor Recap: Why is Colton on my TV Again?

Hi Lovelies!

It’s January and you know what that means… The Bachelor is back!

I’ll be honest, I was less than thrilled when Colton was announced as our bachelor. Colton and Tia’s storyline driving Bachelor in Paradise made me dislike him even more than I did when he was on Becca’s season and all we talked about was him being a virgin.

Now he’s back, and we’re still only talking about his virginity. It’s a boring story. I don’t care if Colton is a virgin or not so I’d really like to stop talking about it and learn what else he brings to the table. The girls (and producers) on the other hand do not want to let the virgin topic die.

“I haven’t dated a virgin since I was 12, but I’m excited to give it another shot”

-Demi, with a horribly not sick brag

For some reason The Bachelor team decided we needed a three hour premier, but we didn’t. The filler of random guys proposing to their girlfriends on cameras, Krystal and Chris (ew) in a hot tub, and all the viewing parties was throw away time.

Thankfully, I know how The Bachelor operates, and started watching late so I could fast forward through the junk. Woo!

The only good part is that I got to see Jason Tartick, and I love that man. He’s perfect and should be The Bachelor.

Anyway, let’s talk about the girls (not all of them though because some girls I already forgot about, and I will probably never learn their names)!

Colton is surprised the girls know so much about him. Spoiler, dude, they had to spend all summer watching you on TV. Of course they know about you. Also, heard of Instagram?

He’s also confused when girls show off the languages they speak. Pretty sure Colton’s just now getting a full grip on English, ladies, so talk slow.

The common themes of the girls’ intros were sports bras and leggings and dancing in their rooms. It was painfully awkward

Let’s start with Demi. During her video she’s walking around her family’s countryside house and long boarding. Overall, she seems normal. Then, she picks up the phone and it’s a call from prison. IT’S HER MOM!

Demi.jpg

I lost it! She speaks so casually about. Imagine the hometown visit to prison. Guys, I’m cheering for her to be top 4 now JUST FOR THAT.

You’ve probably seen the video of the contestant faking an accent since it’s made the rounds of Twitter and such. That’s Bri, and all you need to know about her is she faked an accent.

Caelynn and Hannah competed together at Miss USA last year, and are now competing again but for Colton. Personally, I’d rather have a crown than Colton, but that’s just me!

They were actually roommates at the pageant, but Hannah has gotten an edit that makes her seem super bitter Caelynn is here and beat her at Miss USA (Caelynn was 1ru). I doubt they actually hate each other. I don’t think you leave a national pageant hating your roommate.. like that’s not really a thing honestly.

I want to put it on the table now that I’ve had a girl crush on Caelynn since she was crowned so I will be favoring her in all of my blogs. Deal with it. Colton is also a big fan of Caelynn I’m guessing since she got this first kiss! Her biggest flaw on the episode was wearing a sash that said “Miss Underwood” instead of “Mrs. Underwood”… way to go.

All the contestants are talking about missing their dogs, which once again is not a personality trait. Loving your dog is not special. Catherine, a DJ, aka New Corinne, just brought her dog along for this “journey” and the girls are jealous right away.

Colton Puppy.png

They stay jealous when she steals Colton not once, not twice, not three times, FOUR TIMES! A very desperate move for a girl that seems like she could be pretty cool? That’s why she’s new Corinne. She doesn’t care about the other girls, and honestly it’s funny. Meet your villain, ladies and gentlemen (guys read my blog too, right?)

Catherine.jpg

When Hannah G. got out of the limo, the spark between her and Colton was clear right away. She’s obviously gorgeous, and Colton is shook. Like so shook he gave her the first impression rose. I don’t know that I like Hannah yet, but maybe she will grow on me?

Hannah G.jpg

I don’t even want to give sloth girl attention because that was such an annoying bit, but I did lol at first. So here’s your mention, sloth girl. I don’t know your name, but I hope you had fun! Just did some research and she got sent home!!!! Bye, sloth.

sloth bachelor.jpg

Honorable mentions go to Kirpa just because she seemed sweet and real in her original video. I would’ve styled her differently for night one, but hopefully she packed other things that are a lot better.

Kirpa.jpg

Honorable mention #2 goes to Heather who thinks she and Colton would be perfect for each other because she’s never been kissed and he’s never had sex. BUT ISN’T THERE MORE TO YOUR PERSONALITY THAN NEVER KISSING ANYONE?! I guess not. It’s even her listed occupation, “Never Been Kissed”. I wonder how that pays…

Heather.jpg

Overall, when you get rid of the “LIVE” aspects of the show, this was a great episode. I’m feeling good about this season! We should have drama, and maybe Colton will get a wife. If not, 30 girls will now have podcasts, lifestyle blogs and the chance to sell detox tea. Everyone wins!

Who Got the Boot:

Alex D. the sloth, Laura, Revian, Erin, Devin, Tahzjuan and Jane

My Favorite:

Caelynn (duh)

My Least Favorite:

The producers who made this episode three hours and every contestant that wore a necklace with their prom dress. Please stop wearing necklaces with gowns and please stop wearing prom dresses on The Bachelor. Thank you ❤

Follow me on twitter @wellesleylauren for live tweets every week! And now, live Instagram stories or “BachelorGrams” with Brett on @wellesleylauren.

THX 4 THE PICS ABC AND CONTESTANTS!!!

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