Bachelor / Fun

Bachelor Recap: Kirpa is Healed

Hi Lovelies,

We have a rose ceremony to get to because Nicole and Onyeka were wasting time last week with their unnecessary drama.

Thankfully, we can leave that in the past as they both are swiftly eliminated by Colton. Goodbye, ladies, you will not be missed.

Now to some more interesting activities… the squad is in Vietnam, which looks pretty cool. Anyone want to take me to Vietnam? Slide into my DMs, thanks. Unless you’re a creep, then get out of my DMs.

Katie, who possibly just got here because I haven’t seen her all season, really wants the one-on-one, but Colton would rather spend time with his day one Hannah G.

Hannah G. and Colton go have a spa day. They get face masks, massages and wrapped up in leaves? Colton says Hannah looks like sushi he would eat. Yikes.

They spend the rest of their massage date kissing on the massage table, which is honestly impressive because those are tiny tables. Also, Colton has moves. I’m not sure how he physically pulled that off. He’s a beefy dude.

Back at the house, Caelynn and Cassie are talking. Caelynn says she thinks Hannah G. has relied on her looks a lot in life, which didn’t play well coming from a pageant girl. I understand what Caelynn was trying to say though. Haters, back down.

Hannah and Colton get ready for dinner with a nice…. SHOWER!!! The idea of showering with another human is absolutely horrible to me. But Colton said it was his favorite part of their date. Of course it was, Colton. Of course it was. How is his skin not dry from all this showering?!

At dinner, Hannah G. feels like she has to share a sob story, which is totally unnecessary (as discussed last week). She and Colton connect over their parents’ divorces. She gets a rose. No surprise there. Boring.

During the group date, a few of Colton’s favorites and the other girls, whose names we don’t know, are going to fight each other. For some reason the producers thought it was a good idea to bring two of the feistiest contestants, Demi and Hannah B., on this date. I am scared.

The fights end up actually being not that scary. It’s mostly just the girls screaming until the refs say the fight is over. Colton calls the whole thing off after Demi gets hit in the face and curls up in the fetal position.

In the evening, the girls who haven’t had one-on-ones are crumbling. The most outspoken two are Sydney and Katie. They’re trying to figure out if they can “get there” with Colton since they haven’t had much time with him. Colton gives them a fake smile saying he’s going to try (a.k.a. pack your bags girlies, you’re going home tonight).

Katie’s one-on-one time goes alright, but it’s obvious this isn’t working. She actually talks to Colton twice to try to get him to understand she’s just not great at expressing her emotions. It’s a pretty desperate attempt to stick around for the next vacation spot.

Sydney is like I’m over this. She decides to go home, but not before telling Colton to take a good hard look at the girls he has left and not get distracted by “shiny things”. Colton looks puzzled, and pretends to be sad she’s leaving, but I’m not sure he really cares much.

Of course Demi has to do something interesting. She wants to call her mom, who is now out of prison, with Colton. Her mom answers, and Colton awkwardly says something about Demi being a great girl. It was weird, but it was also very on brand for Demi.

Colton has great one-on-one time with his favorites: Hannah B., Caelynn and Tayisha. Tayisha gets the group date rose, and Hannah B. is very confused. You can’t win ’em all, Hannah.

In more important news, KIRPA IS HEALED! Thankfully too because Colton gives her a one-on-one. I liked Kirpa from day one so I’m happy to see she’s getting some screen time, and that it’s post-injury so I can focus on more than just her bandaid.

Colton and Kirpa are on a boat and catch sea urchins. Um scary! I love Kirpa, but I don’t think she and Colton are a match. It didn’t seem like they were really connecting much on the date.

Apparently, Kirpa was engaged before. That was another HUGE BOMB that wasn’t teased at all by the producers. Why do they give dumb teasers like Colton hopping a fence and not anything about Kirpa’s engagement and Tayisha’s marriage???

Oh and Kirpa’s ex was also a virgin so that’s supposed to make Colton feel more secure I guess. Colton gets defensive that he isn’t waiting for marriage though, just “the right person”. Colton, literally no one cares. Why are you so defensive about this every time?

Kirpa surprisingly gets a rose after a pretty milk toast date. Good for her.

Before bed, Demi takes a trip to Colton’s room. She wants some alone time, but Colton blindsides her. After she opens up about falling for him, Colton is like ehhh nah this isn’t it and sends her packing. But first, Demi leaves Colton with some final words that echo Sydney’s speech from earlier.

Demi goes back and tells the girls Colton is sending her home. Demi is sad, but she won’t be sad in paradise. See you this summer, Dems.

The house is in a frenzy since everyone thought Demi was a frontrunner. They’re plotting their cocktail ceremony talks with Colton only to find out there won’t be a cocktail ceremony. The chaos continues.

It’s pretty obvious the weakest link is Katie, but I’d rather see Heather go home. Heather lives to see another week, and Katie has to leave. Before heading out, Katie also warns Colton about girls who might not really be ready for marriage. That’s now three girls in one week who have said the same thing. They have a mansion with a pool, swing set and tennis court (major real estate) in Colton’s head right now and it’s hilarious.

Colton reflects that he thought Sydney was talking about Demi, so he sent her home, but now Demi is gone and Katie is saying the same thing. Who are they talking about?! Will he figure it out?! Maybe next week, but probably not!

In hindsight, I see why everyone on Twitter said they were bored. The dates themselves were generally boring, but a lot of girls left and they had wild exits.

Next week, Colton jumps the fence. I’m ready for that to happen so basic Twitter can stop talking about it already. What a dumb thing to be fixated on the entire season.

Who Got The Boot:

Nicole, Onyeka, Sydney (left on her own), Demi and Katie

My Favorite:

Katie…who then got eliminated…yikes. Also, Sydney and Demi for getting in Colton’s head about all the #fakes.

My Least Favorite:

Heather- like how is she still here?!

Follow me on twitter @wellesleylauren for live tweets every week! And now, live Instagram stories or “BachelorGrams” with Brett on @wellesleylauren.

THX 4 THE PICS ABC AND CONTESTANTS!!!
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