First of all, thank you to everyone who checked on me after last night’s episode. I’m okay, but I’m not okay.
I have a really bad Bachelor hangover this week. Some weeks are worse than others, but this week is in my top two worst Bachelor hangovers ever. I keep replaying the scenes in my mind, and I can’t stop thinking about the season, who will be on paradise, and who will be the next Bachelorette.
All that to say, I will basically be using this post to vent about last night’s shenanigans during hometowns.
We start off smoothly with Caelynn. She and Colton are in her hometown in Virginia on a carriage ride. She shows him different spots in town that are important to her. They get ice cream; it’s cute.
Before Colton meets the fam Caelynn explains her family dynamic to Colton. Her stepdad, John, basically raised her and she considers him her dad. Caelynn has this talk again with John when they get some time to chat.
Colton talks about falling in love with Caelynn and the family seems to like him. He asks John for his permission to marry Caelynn. John gives it to him, and all is good! It was pretty standard.
Caelynn’s family has her home videos as a kid cued up for her and Colton to watch together. I make Brett look at my baby photos and videos all the time so I 100% respect this move from Caelynn. They exchange “I’m falling in love with you” speeches and part ways. Cute! Nothing special, but cute!
While this is all happening, everyone on Twitter is getting butthurt Colton asks for the dads’ permission/blessing. Some are mad he used the word “permission,” but I think we all know what he meant, and to me permission is not a bad word.
Maybe for some people having their parents’ blessing isn’t a big deal, but to these four girls apparently it was. If it wasn’t a big deal to them or Colton I don’t think he would ask. Let’s just all respect everybody’s choices, okay? Chill. Out.
Also, while I’m on my Twitter commentators rant, YES EVERYONE HE TELLS EVERY GIRL HE IS FALLING IN LOVE WITH THEM AND HE ASKS PERMISSION FROM EVERY FATHER. THAT IS HOW THE SHOW WORKS AND I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH! THE BACHELOR IS NOT MEANT TO BE LIKE REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES, OKAY!?
Back to the show. We’re going to Alabama to see Hannah G. Do we think Hannah G. is happy she can now be the one and only Alabama Hannah? I don’t think she feels much so probably not.
Hannah takes Colton to an etiquette class so he can learn to be a southern gentleman. The instructor helps Colton with his posture and teaches him how to butter bread. Apparently you rip off a piece, butter it and eat it until the bread is gone. Just thought I’d throw that in there in case someone was curious.
The etiquette instructor gives Colton a whole speech about how all of Hannah’s life her parents have been an umbrella protecting her from the bad and now he needs to be the umbrella. Weird, but okay. Colton is ready to show off what he learned at dinner.
Hannah’s family is not what I was expecting at all. She talks about Colton being a virgin and marriage with some of her married relatives while Colton asks for Hannah’s dad’s blessing. He gets the blessing and we are good to go. There’s a pattern here if you couldn’t tell..
They go outside, and exchange cute words about the other person feeling “like home” to them and the classic “I’m falling in love with you.” That’s the end.
I’m going to be honest, those two dates were so boring. It was the basic Bachelor formula of the parents asking their daughter if they really like this random dude and the girls say yes. The dad gives the blessing and all is happy.
That’s how it all goes until California… Tayisha takes Colton skydiving. Maybe to make up for the bungee jumping earlier? He’s so confused. They’re both afraid of heights so why did she pick this? Because she’s crazy.
They survive jumping out of a plane so apparently now they can do anything like meeting Tayisha’s super protective dad. Before they go inside, Tayisha quizzes Colton on everyone’s names. He passes, so let’s get this going.
They pretend to do dinner (because no one eats on this show) then Tayisha and her mom go chat while Colton and Tayisha’s dad chat. This leaves Tayisha’s brothers at the table alone. What a moment, and honestly the best moment of this episode so far.
Tayisha’s dad is trying to protect her from another divorce so Colton is not going to get this blessing easily. He tells Colton he thinks he’s a nice guy, but he doesn’t really know him so no permission for you, Colton. You can tell by the look on his face Colton did not have a plan for if any of these dads said no to him.
Tayisha talks to her dad and explains how she feels about Colton. She tells him if he proposed she’d……..say yes. And yes, I added all those periods in there to show her hesitation because there was a lot of hesitation.
“You don’t microwave relationships”
After their talk, Tayisha’s dad changes his tune and gives Colton his blessing so all is good now for Colton! But I’m curious how in the world has Tayisha sneaky made it this far? I’m not sure who I would’ve preferred, but Elyse (the red head) leaving early kind of threw this season off course I think.
Let’s get this episode over with, I’m bored. It’s time for Cassie’s hometown. She takes Colton surfing and she’s really bad at it.
Cassie isn’t sure if she’s there yet with Colton, which is definitely fair, so this hometown means a lot to her.
You can tell Cassie isn’t sure when she talks to her sister. Her sister is very sweet and tells Cassie she just wants her to be with someone as special as she is. Cuteness!
Meanwhile, Colton and Cassie’s dad are having a much less cute conversation. Cassie’s dad is skeptical of Colton and this whole thing. He doesn’t seem to like Cassie and Colton being touchy (wait until he watches the whole season…yikes). Overall, Mike is not a fan and he does not give Colton his permission to marry Cassie.
Cassie and Colton talk after and she still isn’t 100% confident about “falling in love,” but she doesn’t “want it to be over.” Colton wanted to hear some love-y stuff though.
It’s time for the rose ceremony and Chris Harrison is back! Where has this man been?! Probably golfing.
Colton comes in and gives a speech. His first rose goes to Hannah, which is a duh. Next is Tayisha, which throws me for a loop. At this point one of my favorites is going home. I am not happy. Cassie gets the final rose and Caelynn goes home.
Now comes the rush of “Caelynn for Bachelorette” posts, which I’m so down for, but I’m not sure that will happen…
And no, Colton still has not jumped the fence. Thank you for asking.
Who Got The Boot:
Caelynn forever and always thank you very much
My Least Favorites:
Tayisha is still giving me snake vibes after last week