If you didn’t watch Monday’s episode of The Bachelor, you missed not only the best episode in franchise history and the greatest reality TV episode of the year. Let’s dive in!
We start with a clip of Colton and Chris Harrison having a chat about his virginity and the fantasy suites. I forgot fantasy suites were even happening this episode, and am unamused by any sex jokes about the situation overall.
Colton and the ladies are about to spend a week in Portugal, which is a great choice if you ask me!
Tayisha is up first. I’m thrilled… She and Colton will be exploring Portugal on a helicopter. Tayisha is very excited because she’s never been on a helicopter before. They do a fair amount of sight seeing, but also a lot of kissing.
This date is boring. I’m bored. I miss Caelynn. HOW is Tayisha still on this show?! Is there a scene I missed where she really brought it? No, there isn’t. Ugh. Ask Brett how much I complained through this entire part. He will tell you it was nonstop for 30 minutes, and he isn’t lying.
Colton and Tayisha get ready for dinner, and Tayisha walks out in a super low cut romper. She makes jokes about having a “nip slip,” and the sex jokes begin. Gross.
Because Colton is a virgin apparently all we get to talk about is sex. Tayisha opens up about only having sex with one person before, her ex-husband. She also tells Colton her ex-husband cheated on her, which is why they got divorced. After all that she’s pretty hype to spend the night with Colton.
After a dinner full of innuendos, e gives her the fantasy suite card, and they go to the room where they GET ON THE BED WITH THEIR SHOES ON. How disgusting! These people kill me just getting into bed and not taking their shoes off. What kind of monster does that?!
The next morning, Tayisha puts Colton on blast a little bit in the confessional for not going as far as she would have liked. I was disappointed in her for putting all that business out there. Proof that she’s a snake and not the one.
The only good thing about their date was Tayisha had on super cute pants in the morning. If anyone knows where I can get those, please do tell.
Cassie’s date is next. I was distracted during the beginning because honestly I was still missing Caelynn. I don’t think you all understand how cool I think Caelynn is; I’m legit shook she is gone.
Anyway, Cassie and Colton are roaming around the city when they stop to have a chat. Colton tells Cassie her dad did not give him his blessing, and Cassie is in shock. Colton on the other hand does not seem to care in the slightest that he didn’t get the blessing. Cassie is also confused why Colton is so relaxed about this.
We know from last week Cassie was looking for approval from her family. She’s also unsure about how she feels in this whole situation and with Colton. Basically, Cassie is really in her head and this made it a lot a lot worse. Colton is sitting next to her with a goofy smile confused as to what could be the problem. Idiot.
Before the evening portion of the date, Cassie’s dad shows up. Yes, they flew him to Portugal! At this point I’m thinking how cheesy he flew here to give Colton his blessing. Nope, Mike is still not sold.
He and Cassie have a talk about where her head is at. She still is very unsure, which her dad claims to have caught that “vibe” when Colton came home with her. Her dad gets into the story of how he felt when he met Cassie’s mom, and how he had no doubts. Since Cassie has doubts, this really has her asking questions.
Cassie decides tonight she’s going to send herself home. She comes into the date ready to fly back to California.
Right away she expresses her concerns and fears to Colton. Cassie says she isn’t ready to give him what he wants at the end of this. She isn’t ready for an engagement. She tells him about her dad showing up, and hearing his story about falling in love with her mom.
Colton is now starting to realize where this is all going. He asks if she was planning to send herself home tonight and she says yes.
Colton then spends time trying to persuade her to stay. It’s obvious he’s using his words carefully so they won’t backfire if Cassie does leave and he picks Tayisha or Hannah G instead. At some point, he abandons that caution and pretty openly admits he already knew he was going to choose her at the end.
He says he doesn’t care about an engagement at the end if it isn’t what she wants. He’s only interested in being with her in the end and it doesn’t matter what that looks like.
Cassie is really thinking about this, and almost seems like she might change her mind. He’s ready to throw it all away for Cassie, and it’s making for GREAT television. You get your girl, Colton!
Ultimately, Cassie decides it’s best for her to go home. She says she loves Colton for the first time then leaves. What a savage move!
Colton is devastated, obviously. He’s said 20 times his biggest fear is picking someone who isn’t ready for all this. He flees the set, and yes jumps the fence. I’m not sure where Colton is trying to go, but it’s surely the heck out of here.
Chris Harrison is casually following Colton yelling for him to come back, but Chris Harrison does not seem to care much. This guy gets paid either way and would much rather be golfing.
What happens next? We find out next week! I’m interested to see how this all plays out, but I don’t really care how it ends. I’m fine either way.
Colton has completely backed himself into a corner now. It’s Cassie or nothing because he admitted his actual feelings, and can’t just say lol nvm and pick one of the other girls.
Acutally, knowing this show words mean nothing so he could go back and pick Hannah G or Tayisha instead, and they’d probably blindly go along with it. Yikes.
This is the content I came for. Thank you Colton, Cassie, producers, everyone for making this happen for me. I’m having an absolute blast watching this disaster go down. You should probably tune in next week because everyone will be talking about it.
P.S. I know who The Bachelorette is…
Who Got The Boot:
No one, but Cassie saw herself out
Cassie keeping it real
My Least Favorites:
Tayisha is forever in this spot for me