We survived a season of Colton on TV, and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I think we assumed it would be. Let’s give this week’s episodes a quick recap and season wrap up.
We start with Chris Harrison and the crew searching Portugal at night for missing Colton. He ran away and said he’s over it once Cassie sent herself home.
Chris Harrison is seen with not one but TWO phones (the first phones I’ve ever seen on this show by the way) calling someone about possibly having to call the police if Colton doesn’t turn up soon.
Thankfully, Colton is found and consoled by the producers and Chris Harrison. Chris Harrison makes some weird comment about his virginity, which is a point he really won’t leave alone this season.
Colton cools down the next day, but he still just wants Cassie. It’s kind of sweet at this point. He walks up to a hotel room and knocks on the door. We aren’t sure who is inside. Cassie? Nope. Tayisha.
Colton brings Tayisha outside to talk err breakup. The speech starts with tons of compliments and then ends with the ultimate bomb drop of even though I have fallen in love with you and we’ve built a great foundation, “I love Cassie”… yikes.
They have a moment without the cameras, which is lame because the point of the show is that we get to watch everything. Tayisha does not care about the fans. Fact.
Also, remember that Tayisha called out Cassie for not being here for the right reasons a few episodes ago. So she’s definitely upset.
They go their separate ways so Colton can go break Hannah G’s heart as she’s journaling. She’s surprised to see Colton, and doesn’t seem to realize something bad is up. Maybe she realized when he started aggressively complimenting her that this was heading south.
When the breakup hit Hannah G was apparently upset, but she doesn’t really show her feelings so who knows. I’m assuming she was very sad. There there Hannah G. If you would’ve talked more this season, you’d probably be The Bachelorette.
Both girls had a moment on the “live show” to talk to Colton, but honestly that part was boring. He just liked someone else.
Next episode, Colton goes to visit Cassie who is still in Portugal. She really hadn’t left yet even though last week’s van ride probably had you thinking she was long gone.
She answers the door and Colton is says sooo I dumped the two other girls for you wanna date? Cassie is like uh maybe? Colton takes that as a yeah totally. Cassie is confused as she has been for the past three weeks.
With no regard for Cassie’s uncertainty, Colton basically kidnaps her to go to Spain and meet his parents. Cassie isn’t sure she’s ready to meet them. At this point, she has basically shut him down three times now, but Colton will not rest. He thinks his persistence is cute.
Colton gives his family the rundown about how she tried to leave before they meet Cassie. The family is unamused, but Colton does not care. The family grills Cassie and rightfully so. Colton’s dad was probably a total player back in the day so he’s confused why Colton didn’t just pick one of the other girls who confidently liked him back.
Everyone survives the family day. Cassie and Colton go on another date and it ends with them in the fantasy suite. What happens? No one knows, and I certainly do not care in the slightest. They made a big deal out of it though by taking their mics off and doing a whole bit. I could’ve done without it.
Then it just ended. No closure. Okay?!
Cassie and Colton come out during the live show and say they’re still together. She accepts his final rose. They don’t disclose what happened in the fantasy suite (thank goodness), but do share they aren’t moving in together and they’re just taking life slowly.
I’m predicting a breakup in a few months. Actually, I’ll give them a solid year and a half. I really don’t think Cassie wants this relationship. She seems to be struggling to get that through to Colton… still.
Good luck to those crazy kids though. I can’t wait to see their annoying sponsored ads on my Instagram explore…
And about the bachelorette- It’s Hannah B. I cannot stand her because I’m team Caelynn. Hannah is weird and I don’t think it is in a quirky, cute way. It’s painful and that definitely showed. She can’t form sentences to save her life.
How did she win Miss Alabama USA? I need someone to play back the interview tape ASAP. I’ll put up a post about her guys eventually. The first few we saw were questionable, and have horrible style.
But I’ll watch anyway because I’m a sucker for this franchise.
Hope to catch you back here next season!