Did you miss me? If you followed along with my Instagram stories you haven’t missed a single Bachelor franchise take of mine all year. Brett and I decided for Bachelor in Paradise, we’d come back here to dish our takes and keep you up to date on the drama.
This looks like it’ll be an electric season. All the previews show lots of drama, which is a must, and some characters we all love. Chris Harrison says it will be dramatic, but do we really trust Chris Harrison anymore?
Wells is back bartending and I LOVE IT! He’s also really helping some of these dudes spit game, thankfully. We’re ready to go.
There are a few categories for this year’s contestants. We have the classic characters like Demi, Cam and JPJ from the most recent seasons. A few heartthrobs like Hannah G, Blake, Caelynn and Tayisha.
There are people that are sort of relevant? Katie, Sydney and Onyeka.
Older people we all kind of forgot about: Bibi, Kristina, Derek and Nicole.
SERIOUSLY old people like Chris and Annaliese. At what point do these people realize they’d have a better shot on eharmony than in paradise for the 5th time? I watched every season Chris is on, but I don’t remember him at all.
Random contestants like Jane. Where’d she come from? Was she actually on The Bachelor? The same questions apply for Kevin. Dylan is a face I kind of remember, but really he just looks like a guy.
Oh and Clay is here looking uncomfortably compact. He just broke up with Angela. Annaliese, as the grandma of paradise, is keeping an eye on him. Is he here for the right reasons or the all inclusive resort life? Either way, I can’t blame him.
While Annaliese is keeping an eye on Clay, there’s some low key drama brewing with Blake and Caelynn. First of all, I couldn’t be happier my girl Caelynn is back. She’s also bringing the piping hot tea – love her for that.
The story is Blake hooked up with Caelynn and lead her on, but the night before he was hooking up with Kristina. After their hookup, Blake told Caelynn she needed to keep all of this to herself in paradise. Well, she didn’t. Caelynn is here to expose Blake for the douche canoe he is.
Blake is avoiding the drama by flirting it up with Hannah G. Hannah is into it for sure, so when Blake gets the first date card everyone is so positive Hannah will get asked on this date.
Plot twist: Blake takes Tayisha on a date. Blake and Tayisha speak in cliches about love and relationships for about an hour. Snooze.
Hannah G still has a chance too find another guy, and Dylan is ready to hop in now that Blake is gone with Tayisha. Dylan has no game in comparison to the other paradise guys. He should not be able to get Hannah G, but he gets a kiss! Congrats, Dylan.
The Blake drama continues the next morning with Kristina, who hooked up with Blake the night before he hooked up with Caelynn, rolls in with a date card. THE PRODUCERS ARE TANKING BLAKE AND I AM HERE FOR IT.
Kristina knows everything about Caelynn, and still decides to ask Blake on a date. Wild move, sister. If Kristina were smart, she’d play paradise a bit safer this year after last year’s fiasco with Dean.
Blake really played America though. He seems like such a nice guy that couldn’t hurt anyone, but those are the ones you have to keep an eye out for!
Tonight, we find out how Blake and Kristina’s date goes, and hopefully we get some new arrivals.
I will say, I’m a little nervous about this season. They better not let the two best people in paradise, Wills and Caelynn, leave single. That’d just be cruel. Wills dyeing his hair blonde was a mistake, but I still love him.
Anyway, Brett will share more takes after tonight’s episode. As always: subscribe, share and tell all your friends.