Bachelor Recap: And They Were Models

Hi lovelies,

Have I mentioned how much I love paradise? I forgot how good this show actually is, but week two is bringing the heat and reminding me of the potential paradise really has.

We finally get a rose ceremony, and the guys have the roses. With nine guys and 12 girls that means three girls are going home.

The other question: Who will give Hannah their rose, Blake or Dylan? Well really, that’s just a matter of which name Chris Harrison calls first. Lucky for Dylan, Chris (read: the producers) is on his team.

Bibi, Jane (who made JPJ puke) and Annaliese go home. Thank goodness we’re cutting the dead weight! Annaliese was blindsighted when fellow old person, Chris, picked Kristina over her. The viewers, on the other hand, were not.

So it’s time for some fresh dudes to shake things up. Who better to make a mess in paradise than the one and only make model, Jordan Kimball. He busts in with his typical confidence called paradise his island and offering the current cast “tours”. I love this guy. He’s great TV.

He pulls Hannah G. aside right away, and talks about how they’re both models. Seems like the only two models in paradise have to date and have model babies, right?

Well, things with Hannah are complicated. She’s into Dylan, but is also interested in what the player of paradise, Blake, might have to offer.

Slowly, Jordan is learning the story of Stagecoach Blake from Hannah, Kristina and even Nicole? The model is ready to shut Blake down! Seems like if Jordan has to shut you down you’ve really made a mess of your life, huh?

Anyway, Jordan asks fellow model Hannah on a date. She says yes then says err never mind. Jordan is confused, but goes to ask Nicole anyway.

Everyone thinks Nicole really likes Clay and won’t say yes, but she says yes to make Clay realize she’s a hot commodity. Is Nicole a hot commodity? I’m not seeing it, but okay. She just lives in slo-mo and I can’t deal with it.

So they go on a date, which is lame and fine. Then she comes home and is back on the Clay train. Choo Choo.

Meanwhile, Hannah is in a love triangle and it’s all sorts of annoying. It’s clear Dylan is a great guy. He may be a little boring or not as wild as Blake, but still a great guy. Husband material some would argue. She spends all day seeming to agree.

Mike comes in *swoon* to distract us from the Hannah G disaster. He asks Caelynn on a date and I can’t stop thinking about how smiley and perfect their babies would be. The date goes well. They’re into each other right away, and the chemistry is great.

This is sad for Cam because he tried to profess his love to Caelynn earlier via a poem that did not land at all.

It’s nighttime and Blake appears limping on the beach after some injury earlier in the day to swoop in and steal Hannah from Dylan. He hits Hannah with some swing dancing…in sand…which seems complicated. A move Kristina has apparently seen before. Yikes.

Blake and Hannah start kissing on the beach IN FRONT OF DYLAN. Dylan goes to the beach to get his girl and Blake tried to shut him down. Dylan is a nice dude so after an awkward standoff he walks back to the bar.

It seems everyone in paradise is indeed #TeamDylan, and they’re starting to turn not only on Blake but Hannah too.

While this disaster is happening, drunk Katie gets approached by Wills. Finally my man is getting some TV time! He shoots his shot and drunk Katie starts sobbing and seems to shoot him down.

Then old man Chris sees Katie crying and goes to check on her. He shoots his shot and it lands. I’m confused. WILLS IS A CATCH. Chris might be nice and cool but he’s very washed up and Wills is just better.

I don’t get it, but someone better give Wills a rose. This man deserves love!!

I’m ready for episode two tonight. Brett will recap it soon (he’s doing great isn’t he!?)


Wellesley Lauren

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